Talk to me dirty… 

Donald Trump woke up Sunday feeling his inner keyboard warrior as he not only posted on Truth Social that “People that are against tariffs are FOOLS”, but that every American is promised a $2,000 “dividend” from the money those tariffs are supposedly raking in. Not the rich ones, of course. Just the real ones. The ones still pretending to understand how tariffs even work.

Live look at child support enforcement workers right now: 

(Source: Giphy) 

The crazy part? The numbers kind of exist. Tariff revenue’s been climbing since he slapped the world with his “Liberation Day” duties back in April. $23.9B in May. $28B in June. $29B in July. Over $215B for fiscal 2025. A straight line of America charging cover at the border like it owns the club. With that said, the White House says the checks will come from the same magic place all Trump promises come from… a.k.a., the intersection of national pride and a QuickBooks file labeled “Don’t Worry About It.” Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent tried to smooth it over on ABC, suggesting the payout might come through Trump’s new tax cuts: no tax on tips, no tax on overtime, no tax on Social Security. Sounds legit. 

(Source: Fox Business) 

Meanwhile, the Supreme Court is trying to figure out whether any of this is actually legal. The justices spent last week debating if Trump even had the authority to impose tariffs under “emergency powers.” Lower courts said he didn’t. Trump says they’re wrong. Shocker. But again, Trump doesn’t care about the legalese. “We’re the richest, most respected country in the world… Almost no inflation. Record stock market”, he said. Translation: I won, pay the people. 

Of course, while this may seem like batsh*t craziness to the ones who are suffering from Trump Derangement Syndrome… the play here is actually on brand. For instance, tariffs used to be a line in an Econ 101 textbook. Now they’re the punchline to the American Dream. Import taxes turn into “dividends.” Debt repayment becomes patriotism. Opposition is treason. Some call it populism… I call it marketing genius. Either way, it’s working.

(Source: Giphy) 

Because while academics debate whether tariffs hurt consumers, Trump’s out there selling them like scratch-offs. “Two thousand bucks, made in America.” And the best part? The math is actually mathin’ with this. Meaning, keep your eyes on this story… because it’s looking like stimmys are back on the menu! Until next time, friends…

At the time of publishing, Stocks.News does not hold position in companies mentioned in the article.