Today, the S&P 500 didn’t know if it wanted to be a bull, a bear, or a piñata. Wednesday’s session was nothing short of a nervous breakdown—volatile, erratic, and somehow still posting gains. The index closed up 0.43%, the Dow added 285 points like it was on Adderall, and the Nasdaq managed to limp 0.27% despite tech stocks taking body shots all afternoon. 

(Source: Giphy) 

The main reason for the volatility today is obvious: the Fed didn’t do jack. Rates stayed locked in the 4.25%-4.5% range, exactly where J-Poww has kept them since December. What’s more is that the Fed’s official statement read like a man trying to convince himself everything’s fine while the house is clearly on fire. Inflation is still not at 2%, growth is slowing, meanwhile Powell dropped this gem: “My gut tells me that uncertainty about the economy is extremely elevated.” Great. 

However, the real money shot today came from the Trump camp. While Powell was busy trying to talk down recession fears without actually saying the word “recession,” Trump decided to light a trade war Molotov cocktail and toss it through the nearest Bloomberg terminal. He told reporters point-blank that he’s not lowering tariffs on China. Periodt. Not as a “gesture,” not as a “starting point,” not for sh*ts and giggles. China can show up to Switzerland this weekend to talk, but they’re gonna be talking to a brick wall, that is, unless they’re ready to play by Trump’s rules, which currently includes 145% tariffs and a straight face.

(Source: Giphy) 

But, but, but… on the other hand, Trump did do all of us a solid in some way today. Bloomberg noted that Donnie Politics is planning to rescind Biden-era AI chip restrictions on China, which sent Nvidia up 3%. Love to see it. 

Meanwhile, Apple and Alphabet decided to drag tech into a ditch. Alphabet tanked 8% after Apple’s services expert Eddy Cue said the company is “actively looking at” replacing Google Search in Safari with some AI-powered piece mailed search engine of their own. Translation: Apple might finally be done letting Google pay it billions to be the default search option. If that happens, it’s not just bad for Alphabet, it’s a death sentence. Aaaand, the market reacted accordingly… by kicking both Apple and Alphabet down a flight of stairs.

(Source: Giphy) 

Oh, and somewhere in all this, Disney showed up to the big show, and popped 11% after beating earnings ($1.45 a share vs. $1.20 expected). They also surprised everyone with a jump in streaming subs, which had the market rewarding them like they just cured cancer. 

Now in the end, sure stocks were up today. But this Saturday could paint a very, very different picture for us all next week. Plus, the Fed’s out of ammo with Powell himself quoting his gut of uncertainty on live TV. Meaning, we aren’t out of the woods yet, so place your bets accordingly and stay safe out there, friends. Until next time… 

If you read all of this, congrats for having a 10 second attention span (better than me). As always, here’s our heatmap for today.

P.S. Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know you liked getting rekt. Let’s face it, retail investors get the short end of the stick all day everyday. It’s the smart money’s world, and we are just living in it–only useful when it comes to liquidity purposes in the market. Meaning, if you’re as pissed off as I was when I found out Milli Vanilli was lip syncing the whole time, then it’s time to go from investing blind, to investing smart. Luckily for you, the key is right here as a Stocks.News premium member. Click here to see exactly how our premium members are printing while others quake in the face of today’s market chaos. 

Stocks.News holds positions in Apple, Google, and Disney as mentioned in the article.