You ever have that feeling in the afternoon that you should’ve just stayed in bed all day? Yeah, the market did too. The Dow Jones went full sad trombone today, closing 244.95 points lower at 42,098.70. Meanwhile, the S&P 500 limped to 5,888.55 (-.056%), and the Nasdaq flopped to 19,100.94 (down-0.51%). Translation: All the main indexes looked at Nvidia’s pre-earning feels and decided, “nah, I’m out.” 

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In short, Nvidia the turbocharged AI whoremonger is reporting earnings this evening, and you could feel the collective Wall Street heart rate spike every time someone uttered the word “Chyna.” The big question: will those US-China export bans kneecap demand, or will Jensen Huang keep mainlining AI revenue like he’s Tony Montana with a mound of cocaine? Shares closed just a smidge lower, presumably because even the algo-bots can’t decide whether to panic-buy or panic-sell until the numbers drop.

However, while everyone was refreshing their screens for some other catalyst, the rest of the market decided to spiral about… everything. The Fed’s meeting minutes dropped, and to no one’s surprise, they still have zero clarity about when to cut rates. Traders spent the afternoon interpreting every sentence like it was the Zapruder film. Meanwhile, the 30-year Treasury yield hit 5% for like ten seconds, just to remind everyone that yes, money has a cost again, and no, you can’t just print more memes to fix it.

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Oh, and in the “Trump-just-moved-the-goalposts-again” department: the 50% tariff on the EU is now delayed to July 9th. Bigly. But, but, but… good news Hot Girl Summer kids, Abercrombie & Fitch turned in a surprise earnings outperformance and then proceeded to tell everyone that “tariffs are gonna cost them $50 million, but hey, we have models.” Investors just shrugged, and yeeted shares +14% on the day. 

Okta, on the other hand, had less of an appealing day. Shares got dropped-kicked (read: -14%), after leaving guidance unchanged because of “macroeconomic uncertainty.” Meanwhile, Vail Resorts moonwalked higher after dragging its ex-CEO out of retirement… I guess, old dogs actually do have new tricks. Over on the retail side, investors were doing their own line dance as Dicks Sporting Goods managed to pop 2% after earnings, while Capri Holdings stumbled out of the gate but finished the race at +3%. 

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For Big Tech though, Apple and Meta did their best to keep things less bleak, inching up while Tesla tripped, fell, and probably blamed someone other than Elon (down -1.7%). Moral of today’s price action? Indexes got a papercut, traders are sweating, and everyone is holding their breath to see what Jensen Huang is packing under that leather jacket of his. For now, we are all on Nvidia’s time… may the odds be ever in our favor. Until next time, friends…

If you read all of this, congrats for having a 10 second attention span (better than me). As always, here’s our heatmap for today.

Stocks.News holds positions in Meta, Apple, and Tesla as mentioned in the article.