Look, when Snow White looks like it’s on track to lose $100 million, and Tim Dillon is going absolutely nuclear on Disney in his podcast (highly recommend, by the way), you start to think… maybe this is it. Maybe the House of Mouse finally ran out of pixie dust. Maybe the combo of botched reboots, suffocating inflation, and every dad in America swearing he’ll never stand in 100 degrees weather for a $9 Goofy Nachos again means the Disney magic is finally wearing off. Well guess what? It’s not.

In fact, Disney just dropped earnings and the vibe went from “You thought we were cooked? to No, Jesse… someone cooked here.” (Yes, that’s a Breaking Bad reference. No, I won’t explain it.)

Let’s start with the big shocker… $1.45 earnings per share, up 20% year-over-year. Analysts were only expecting $1.20. And on top of that, revenue was $23.62 billion. That’s about half a billion more than expected. Shares popped 6% on the news, as every investor realized the stock is more recession proof than most dividend kings (ya know, the ones that haven’t moved in 20 years but still get treated like royalty).

I know what you’re thinking… Wait, aren't we all broke? Yes. The dollar ain’t stretching like it used to. Eggs still cost more than your Netflix subscription. And yet, Disney’s parks just had a banger quarter. U.S. park revenue climbed 9% to $6.5 billion, and operating income jumped 13% to $1.82 billion. Attendance is up. Hotel bookings are up. Merch and food spending? You guessed it… also up.

This proves that Americans are cutting costs everywhere… except the part where they spend $6,000 for a chance to watch their toddler meltdown in front of Cinderella’s castle. We’ve officially reached the point where Disney trips are no longer a vacation… they’re a personality trait.

And don’t think this is some fluke. Disney’s “experiences” division (parks, cruises, and all that jazz) now accounts for roughly 60% of the company’s profit. They even raised full-year profit guidance from “high single digits” to projecting 16% growth. Shoutout to the dads silently crying into their turkey legs… your pain is literally funding Wall Street's happiness. But what about streaming? Oh yeah, that thing Bob Iger said was going to save the company. Turns out… he was right.

Analysts expected Disney+ to lose millions of subscribers. Instead, it added 1.4 million. And the direct-to-consumer unit (Disney+ and Hulu) brought in $336 million in profit. Up from $47 million last year. But to their credit, that’s what happens when you jack up prices and finally start cracking down on password moochers.

Of course, Disney’s traditional TV business is still falling apart as everyone continues to get their news from Joe Rogan podcasts. ABC and the cable crew saw revenue drop 13%, and ESPN took a 12% hit too… thanks in part to their failed sports streaming venture, Venu. (Never trust a platform that sounds like a rejected Apple product.) Now it’s not all positive… And as far as movies go? Yeah… let’s just say Snow White is doing numbers. Negative ones.

But none of it mattered this quarter. Because Disney, for all its chaos, reminded us of a very simple truth: You can fumble a princess movie. You can screw up ESPN. But if you can still convince millions of families to spend $80 on matching Mickey ears, you’re going to be just fine.

PS: It’s a mess out there.

One day the market’s ripping, the next day it’s Black Monday all over again. Recent earning’s reports have been a total coin flip. One stock beats and explodes 30%… the next misses by a penny and gets sent to the Shadow Realm. And through it all, everyone’s begging for Jerome Powell to finally cave and cut rates.

But underneath all the panic headlines (“Inflation too sticky!” “Recession imminent!” “Tariffs round 4 incoming!”) something wild is happening…

We’re seeing violent price action. Especially in the small-cap space, where low floats and high anxiety are creating the perfect recipe for 100%+ pops before lunchtime. Some of these names are moving 200%+ in under 24 hours… and to our knowledge, NO ONE else is covering them.

Except us.

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Stock.News has positions in Disney and Netflix.