Rolls-Royce: the company that doesn’t just cater to billionaires who order gold-plated everything, but also moonlights as the sugar daddy to the U.S. Department of Defense’s never-ending spending spree…. 

As you’re about to spend your day chewing on an inflation-inflicted Turkey that feels like you just sold a kidney for it, Rolls Royce just landed a $695.3 million contract from… wait for it… the U.S. Navy. Why? Well, to keep the engines of their beloved Osprey tiltrotor aircraft running like a dream, that’s why. 

(Source: MSN) 

In short, this deal doesn’t just scream big money—it also screams big responsibility, covering everything from sustainment support and program management to integrated logistics, maintenance, and even a little sprinkle of reliability improvements. And who else better to turn to than the company that’s become the literal Urban Dictionary meaning of “snappin’ necks and cashin’ checks” on the highway? 

(Source: Giphy) 

Simply put, the contract, which runs through November 2026, is firm-fixed-price and indefinite-delivery/indefinite-quantity—fancy government speak for “we’re not putting a cap on this gravy train.” What’s more? It wasn’t even completed. Yeah, Rolls-Royce is that confident in its chokehold on the market. Classic. 

Now for those of you who just woke up, the contract focuses on the MV-22, CV-22, and CMV-22 Ospreys, which are the Frankenstein lovechild of helicopters and airplanes. These flying Transformers rely on AE1107C engines, which Rolls-Royce will now babysit with all the care of a new parent who just read What to Expect When You’re Expecting. The work will be performed at Rolls-Royce’s Indianapolis facility—the home of fast engines and, apparently, even faster deals.

(Source: Clearance Jobs) 

Oh, and in case you’re wondering: no funds were obligated at the time of the award. The Navy is keeping it casual, only paying up when they actually need something. Think of it like a very expensive “buy now, pay later” plan.

With that said though, while this may come as a “wow” moment for some, this isn’t Rolls-Royce’s first rodeo with Uncle Sam. In 2022, they locked down a $1.8 billion contract to keep the Navy’s T-45 Goshawk military training jets in the air. It seems the Navy has a thing for Rolls-Royce engines—which, honestly, makes sense. When your “fleet” includes aircraft that can fly like a plane and hover like a helicopter, you don’t exactly hand the keys to just anyone.

(Source: Rolls-Royce) 

In addition, Rolls-Royce isn’t just body-bagging the air, they’re also making waves under the sea. The company is developing next-gen mtu energy and automation systems for submarines. Highlights include a 20-cylinder submarine engine that charges faster than a Tesla on steroids and is compact enough to save space in the hull. Translation: fewer generators, more power, and better stealth. It’s all part of Rolls-Royce’s plan to dominate every corner of the defense world—above the clouds, under the sea, and everywhere in between.

(Source: Imgflip) 

The thicc and girthy part? Rolls-Royce shares have gone full-send, hitting record highs after Donny Politics re-election sent defense stocks soaring. Investors are betting big on increased military spending, and Rolls-Royce is sitting pretty at the center of the action. And with a massive 85.51% YTD gain under its belt, it’s clear the company is printing money faster than the rest of us can make friggin ‘rent. 

(Source: Proactive Investors) 

Meaning, in the end, between keeping the Ospreys flying, submarines stealthy, and investors grinning, Rolls-Royce is proving, once again, that they’re not just a luxury car brand—they’re a defense industry juggernaut. And with $695 million more in the bag and no competition in sight, Rolls-Royce is basically speedrunning the defense game in 2024. So yeah, it’s bigly over there with the Spirit of Ecstasy.

Now of course, do what you will with this information, but don’t let it go unnoticed for long. Keep an eye on Rolls Royce and in the meantime: Have a kicka$$ thanksgiving and stay safe and stay frosty! Until next time, friends…

P.S. Black Friday is here, you degenerates! And while I’m sure you’re gearing up to cause some family turmoil by bringing up Donny Politics at your thanksgiving dinner tomorrow (like me, because why not?)—it’ll be even sweeter knowing that you capped the MOST insane deal of the year with our 90% OFF Stocks.News premium deal. That’s right. 90% OFF! Translation: I’m literally giving you the greenlight to pick our pockets right now. So don’t hesitate… this deal won’t last for long! 

Stocks.News does not hold positions in companies mentioned in the article.