What could possibly go wrong?

The man who single-handedly gave p*rn a whole new meaning (read: Palmer Lucky, inventor of Oculus), is back on his BS. This time, his new bank, Erebor (named after the dragon in the Hobbit who hoards gold under his mountain) just got the government’s blessing to handle crypto. Meaning, Erebor is officially the most degenerate second federally chartered crypto bank in U.S. history. 

(Source: Giphy) 

In short, the OCC handed out the conditional charter this week, making Erebor a direct competitor to Anchorage Digital. Which is something, considering Anchorage Digital has been proudly flashing its “only federally approved crypto bank” status for years. But thanks to Trump’s GENIUS Act, this charter also gives Erebor the power to mint stablecoins… a golden ticket for anyone who wants to print dollars without calling Jerome Powell first.

Feds green light Palmer Luckey’s crypto-friendly banking startup Erebor

(Source: New York Post) 

For more context, Luckey didn’t bankroll this alone. He’s flanked by Peter Thiel and Joe Lonsdale, the same two dudes who’ve been building Palantir and funding anti-establishment tech for a decade. Translation: These guys are done asking permission from JPMorgan. Now they’re building their own vault. 

Case in point: After Silicon Valley Bank’s 2023 implosion, crypto startups got “debanked” harder than Alex Jones has. Which means, Erebor is their revenge… a.k.a. a place for founders to park their cash and stablecoins without being treated like radioactive capitalists. As for the day to day operations, Owen Rapaport, formerly of Aer Compliance will lead. Luckey’s on the board, with a plan to ditch fractional reserves entirely and hold real collateral… something normal banks haven’t done since Eisenhower. Politically though, this is a Trump-era w*t dream brought to life: a defense-tech prodigy, a libertarian VC, and a vampire capitalist walk into a bank charter hearing… and walk out with a federal license to print digital money. Even Anchorage CEO Nathan McCauley called it “Willy Wonka’s golden ticket,” which really means we’ve likely just teleported back to 2008. 

(Source: Giphy) 

But alas, the real headline here is that Palmer Luckey went from selling Oculus to Zuckerberg, to arming drones for the border, to now building a digital mountain full of gold. Which means… which means… the future of banking isn’t fraud like Wells Fargo. It’s a Tolkien reference with Thiel money and Trump policy behind it…and that’s probably the most 2025 sentence ever written. Until next time, friends… 

At the time of publishing, Stocks.News does not hold positions in companies mentioned in the article.