“Paging Dr. Fggt Michael Burry” - Alex Karp, probably… 

Uncle Sam just got cucked outspent. How? Because once again, Palantir put on a clinic. The software maker that uses AI to make foreign adversaries go “boom” beat easily on the top and bottom lines after the bell Monday: adjusted EPS of 44 cents (vs. 41 cents expected) on $2.31B in revenue (vs. $2.18B). Sales nearly doubled from a year ago for its first $2B quarter ever, and net income more than doubled to $1.13B.

Now, Palantir’s U.S. commercial revenue ripped 148% to $984M, which, excuse me, how much? For the first time ever, that’s more than the $953M it made off the U.S. government (up a measly 96%).

Meaning, the Fortune 500 has a fever, and the only prescription is more weapons-grade AI. U.S. commercial has more than quintupled over the last two years, and Palantir now expects it to finish 2026 “in excess of” $3.56B (up from the $3.42B it guided last quarter). The company also sees about $2.65B in Q4 revenue and ~$8.53B for the full year.

Per AK-47 (read: CEO Alex Karp): “I don’t believe anyone’s had consistent results like this in the history of software AI, ever.” Sure, bro.

Karp also says Palantir is pulling all this off without salespeople. On the earnings call, he said deals are now moving “like first date into bed kind of thing.” What kind of girl do you think corporate America is? The kind that puts out on the first date.

So shares went HAM, right? Not exactly… (again) The stock got dunked on in extended trading (think: -3%), on top of a 3% slide during the regular session. You see, the stonk was already priced for a quarter like this one, so “nearly doubled” got a shrug.

Of course, AK also used his victory lap to repeat his call to nationalize the AI labs, which he says is the “only realistic way” to manage liability. Tell us what you really think… He’s been pushing open-weight models (read: AI that businesses can run on their own systems) and accusing the big labs like OpenAI and Anthropic of making companies sell out their “data sovereignty.” Says the surveillance company.

Friendly reminder, in September, Karp was at the White House with other tech CEOs to talk AI regulation, as some AI researchers warned the tech has a more than 10% chance of killing humanity. His take: “Beware of thinking you can delay the future in AI. The future is here.” Which, comforting.

Oh, and probably nothing, but last month Karp dropped ~$22M on roughly 37,000 acres of Swedish forest (lolz). Regardless, never forget that Earth is billions of years old… and we still get to live at the same time as Alex Karp. For now, anyway.

Until next time, friends…

At the time of publishing, Stocks.News does not hold positions in companies mentioned in the article.