Suspect: Scam Altman.

Costume: Unemployed trillion-dollar panhandler AI visionary.

Last seen: Approaching wealthy investors with a $30 BILLION collection bag.

Damages: $10 BILLION in missing fundraising ambitions.

Authorities advise billionaires to keep their porch lights off until further notice.

Welp, it appears Scam Altman has discovered the one thing ChatGPT can't hallucinate into existence.

Disney characters. Another $10 BILLION in actual investor commitments.

According to the Financial Times, OpenAI has slashed its fundraising target from $30 billion to $20 billion as the AI spending freakout spreads from the Nasdaq's blood-soaked trading floors to Scam Altman's financially distressed candy bag.

Its desired valuation?

Down from $1.4 TRILLION to $1.25 TRILLION.

Meaning: Sam Altman just lost the equivalent of an entire Fortune 100 company… in the blink of an eye.

Making matters worse, Scam Altman reportedly gave investors until Friday to make up their minds.

Sam: “Hey guys, just checking in on those $30 billion commitments.”

Investors: “THE NASDAQ IS DOWN THREE FUCKING PERCENT.”

Sam: “So is that a yes?”

All while Anthropic prepares for an IPO that could beat OpenAI to the public markets.

March: $122 BILLION raised. October: $30 BILLION requested. November: Please, sir, may I have some more? $20 BILLION will do.

As you probably know, OpenAI has a rather unusual business model.

First, it raises an astronomical amount of money.

Then it spends an astronomical amount building the infrastructure needed to run increasingly powerful AI models.

Then it returns to investors and explains why Elon is a fraud it needs another astronomical amount.

“ChatGPT, explain the concept of an infinite money glitch.”

For much of the AI boom, investors were perfectly happy to play along. Then everybody subscribed to Michael Burry's doomer Substack at the exact same f****** time somebody started asking when the profits were supposed to show up. 

Friday offered a pretty good indication that patience is running thin.

The Nasdaq plunged 2.9%, leaving it 7.8% below its October 6 record closing high.

The Nasdaq 100? Down an even uglier 3.5%.

Shockingly, “AI will change everything” is slightly less convincing when everything in your portfolio is red.

And OpenAI isn't exactly operating in a vacuum.

Its biggest rival, Anthropic, is reportedly preparing to go public next month at a valuation of at least $1.5 TRILLION.

“Lord I’ve seen what you’ve done for others. I want the same for me.” -Scam Altman at church tomorrow morning

Both companies are courting many of the same investors, competing for computing capacity and promising to deliver the next generation of AI.

OpenAI, meanwhile, is reportedly targeting its own IPO in 2027.

But with investors getting cold feet and Anthropic threatening to steal his trillion-dollar thunder, it seems Sammy boy might have to take his fundraising pitch somewhere the billionaire candy bowls haven't run dry.

“ChatGPT, book me a one-way ticket to Dubai. It's an emergency.” 

At the time of publishing this article, Stocks.News holds positions in Disney as mentioned in the article.