For all those who ever thought, “This pickleball match would absolutely slap if only I could live-stream it to my three Facebook friends without using my hands,” congrats… Lizard Zuck is about to make that fantasy even more real. 

(Source: Giphy) 

In short, Markie Mark apparently won’t rest until every bad vibe on the internet is beamed directly onto your face, which is why he’s now dropping AI-powered Oakley and Prada smart glasses on the market. And before you get ahead of me, these glasses aren’t your average “I peaked in varsity track” shades. For instance, not only are Meta’s Oakleys sitting nice and pretty at $360… but apparently, they are more weather-resistant than the Ray-Ban models. Oh, thank Gawd. 

Meaning, if your personality is 40% “owns a GoPro,” these specs have you covered. And yes, you can absolutely record yourself doing CrossFit in the rain… because, in 2025, what’s the point of exercise if no one sees it on Instagram LOL. So what’s the point of all this? Well, number one, Meta is getting its Nike on with the goal of targeting “athletes and active consumers”... a.k.a. Not the usual audience whose main cardio is to stop scrolling for one sec to wipe their a$$. 

(Source: CNBC) 

As for the Prada move, Meta is teaming up with the brand for people who think a logo is a personality trait. Translation: Bougie consumers. That’s it. This is for those who don’t want “Meta” or “Oakley” slapped on their face… but for those who’d rather eat glass than to look like a peasant. Of course, there is no release date yet, but sources say “great fit”... presumably because Prada frames are already thick enough to hide the existential dread of participating in tech wearables culture.

Financially, this is just another juicy avenue for Meta to print cash across all audiences. Which if you recall, includes their five-billion-dollar deal with Luxottica that gives them first dibs on all the eyewear brands that matter. Regarding the game plan, Meta is said to ramp up to 10 million units a year by 2026, assuming people still want to wear tech on their face once the novelty wears off and the privacy lawsuits start rolling in. And yet, in a world where people on TikTok film themselves eating soap… I don’t think the novelty will wear off anytime soon. 

(Source: Giphy) 

But alas, the idea must have some weight considering Google is still trying to make their Gemini-powered “glasses” relevant, meanwhile Snap is prepping its 6th-gen Specs, promising AR without the “I’m definitely being watched by the NSA” aesthetic. By the time these all hit shelves, you won’t be able to walk down the street without seeing someone in $400 specs talking to themselves like they’re auditioning for something. 

In the end, this seems to be promising as the news hasn’t crashed anything yet with Meta shares up 1.11% over the past five days (up 0.55% today). Meaning, investors aren’t throwing tantrums over it. As for me, this is just another technology that I won’t be joining the cult in. I already spend too much time on my phone, and having a phone on my face is the last thing I need. 

(Source: Giphy)

However, when it comes to the majority of our degenerate population… the more they can escape from reality while they are, in fact, living in reality… they’ll take all they can get. In the meantime, keep your eyes on these partnerships and Meta’s stock price as the release dates are set. Until next time, friends…

At the time of publishing, Stocks.News holds positions in Google, Snap, and Meta as mentioned in the article.