Ever dreamed of getting hammered and then sobering up before the check even arrives? Well, Quantum BioPharma ($QNTM) just turned that fantasy into a clinical reality, and Wall Street is absolutely losing its mind, friends. 

(Source: Giphy) 

In short, this little known stock exploded nearly 300% this week after the company announced that its miracle supplement, “Unbuzzd”, can slash blood alcohol levels by 40% in just 30 minutes. Whaaaa?! Yes, I know, I thought the same thing. Meaning, all of our drunk texts might actually have a chance of making sense now. 

For more context, Unbuzzd doesn’t seem to be your standard sketch gas station pill next to the expired 5-Hour Energy shots I solely depended on to graduate college. Instead, it’s a real, double-blind, placebo-controlled clinical trial with ridiculous numbers like: 67% drop in headache severity at four hours, improved cognitive and physical function up to eight hours post-booze, and again, the MVP stat of 40% faster blood alcohol reduction within 30 friggin’ minutes. 

(Source: Morning Start) 

Basically, this thing stabilizes your heart rate, keeps your blood pressure from tanking, and makes sure you don’t wake up feeling like you got hit by a Tesla Cybertruck. The only bad part about this news? Well, despite $QNTM shares absolutely ripping faces off, our friends over at Stocktwits reported that 55% of retail traders completely missed the move, while 26% “crushed it” and are probably now insanely unbearable to be around. Meanwhile, 11% lost money, which means they somehow managed to short the greatest catalyst of the decade for degenerate drinkers.

Adding to the chaos, Quantum BioPharma decided to throw some crypto into the mix—because why not? The company dropped $1 million into Bitcoin and other digital assets just to make sure they were on every retail trader’s radar. Because nothing screams "standing on bidness” like biopharma-meets-crypto-meets-drunk-science.

With that said, adding even more zestiness to the madness, Quantum announced that Celly Nutrition Corp.—the company behind Unbuzzd—is planning a $10 million capital raise and an IPO. Quantum still holds a 25.71% stake in Celly and will cash in a 7% royalty on every Unbuzzd sale until they hit $250 million. After that? They still get a 3% cut for life. Translation: Quantum just secured itself a long-term cash cow while also making sure our favorite cesspool of Wall Street analysts stay functional on bottomless mimosa Sundays.

At the end of the day, this would all mean absolutely nothing if this was just another low-float meme stock pump that just so happened to make some noise throughout the week—while everyone else pretty much got stomped on. But it’s not, this is an actual enticing biotech play with an actual product, IP, and clinical backing.

(Source: Stocktwits) 

The only real test now, is the commercial rollout and sales traction (which I believe they’ll have no problem gaining. Why? Because I am their target audience. The target audience is me LOL). If Unbuzzd becomes a staple in bars, convenience stores, and every frat boys medicine cabinet, Quantum BioPharma might have just landed the most lucrative side hustle in biotech history.

For now, the stock is sitting high and mighty, up 263.99% this week after its -21.93% self-correction yesterday. But with how much momentum the stock showed, and the “buzz” it created—that could be great news for those of you with the diamond hand risk tolerance to “BTFD”. Obviously, do your due diligence on this and don’t be dumb.

(Source: Giphy) 

In the meantime, place your bets accordingly, and watch out for the volatility next week. If the hype dies down before momentum and rollout takes shape, expect some serious whiplash. On the other hand, if Unbuzzd really delivers? This stock could keep the party going for a long, long time. As always, stay safe and stay frosty, friends! Until next time…

P.S. If you want a front-row seat to the stock market puppet show… Become a Premium Member to get access to our Insider Trading Tool. We built it so you can see exactly where CEOs and Congress members are quietly investing their millions. Plus, you'll get exclusive stock write-ups and reports. Click here to see all the benefits of becoming a premium member.

Stocks.News holds positions in Tesla as mentioned in the article.