Tell me your sugar daddy is having a bad week, without telling me…

Just yesterday, the neoclouds (think: GPU rental shops for AI labs) had themselves a day after CoreWeave and IREN both beat, with CoreWeave jumping nearly 25%. Then on Thursday morning, the international leftovers of Russia’s Google (read: Nebius) reported Q3 results that body bagged estimates. And because nothing is ever enough for you people, shares sank 10%, giving back most of their own 15% pop from Wednesday.

In short, revenue jumped 571% to $980.8M vs. the $907.5M analysts expected, and Nebius lost 13 cents a share vs. the 69 cents (nice) the Street penciled in. Turns out, about $325M of that revenue was a one-time thing (read: a one-night stand). Without it, revenue would’ve been around $656M, well short of the estimate.

Now, in his shareholder letter, the head leftover himself (read: CEO Arkady Volozh) served up some seriously weak sauce, saying 2026 revenue will land at the low end of the company’s $3B-$3.4B range. FactSet was expecting $3.35B. Oof. He blamed delays “where we rely on third parties,” including a New Jersey site that’s switching over to Bloom Energy fuel cells. Nebius also pushed back its annual recurring revenue target a couple of months, and next year it’ll stop using that metric as a target altogether, which usually means it wasn’t gonna hit it.

As for the capex, Arkady is mainlining every dollar he can find into data centers. Nebius now plans to spend $27B this year, up from its prior $20B-$25B guide. For 2027, it’s guiding to $40B-$45B vs. the $28.77B the Street was looking for. Arkady has got a fever… and the only prescription is more capex. Meaning, it plans to spend more than $3 on capex for every $1 of the $12B-$13B in revenue it expects next year.

Per Arkady, that 2027 revenue guide (the Street expected $12.09B) reflects “a conservative approach to the pace of our build-out.” Sounds legit. Yes, Nebius says prepayments covered more than 100% of the capex on its Q3 deals. It also raised $5.75B in debt during the quarter, so…

Oh, and then there’s Nvidia, which sells the neoclouds their GPUs, invests in them, and backstops some of their projects (read: circle jerk). It also held about $329M of Nebius stock as of June, so when Nvidia sneezes, the neoclouds catch the flu.

On Thursday, Jensen Huang resigned as Nvidia’s CEO after admitting to an affair with Alice Huang, who U.S. officials reportedly believe is a Chinese spy. The NYT also reported a second affair, this one with a direct report (double-dipping his proverbial pen in the proverbial company ink). CFO Colette Kress is running the place for now. Tell me you don’t have a succession plan, without telling me. NVDA tanked about 13%, and Elon, naturally, says hiring Jensen would be “an honor.”

Of course, it’s tough to finish when your sugar daddy just got caught with his pants down.

Until next time, friends…

At the time of publishing, Stocks.News holds positions in Google as mentioned in the article.