Mark Zuckerberg used to be the guy hovering over a laptop in a windowless room, sipping a latte, whispering sweet nothings to his algorithm (which was designed to rate women’s looks at college). But skip to 2025, and the man’s out here with a TikTok haircut, rocking chains, choking out jiu-jitsu instructors, and showing off on an American flag surfboard (in a video that’s obviously trying to get the MAGA crowd to like him again).

And just when you thought the Zuck-renaissance couldn’t get any more bizarre, he goes full Dana White. In one of Dana’s classic meathead hype videos, he announced that Meta just inked a multimillion-dollar, multi-year deal with the UFC. Yes, that Meta. The one that was once better known for fact-check warnings than flying knees. Zuckerberg’s company is now the official fan technology partner of the most testosterone-soaked sports league on the planet.

It’s a wild turn for the guy who, just a few years ago, was busy testifying before Congress, saying things like “Senator, we run ads.” He was the poster child for Big Tech’s relationship with the left… pro-vax, pro-censorship, pro “whatever the White House suggested that week.” But now, the man’s hitting Joe Rogan’s podcast up and telling 11 million listeners that the White House practically forced Meta to suppress information during the pandemic.

He’s gone from “please don’t be mad at me” to “you can’t cancel me if I choke you out first.” He even pulled up to Mar-a-Lago to meet with Trump… and called the former president getting shot in the ear “badass” (maybe he’s a human after all?).

So what’s this new Meta-UFC partnership all about? According to Dana White, who somehow is now on the Meta board of directors (not satire), this deal makes Meta the “official fan technology partner” of the UFC. That means Meta’s full lineup of toys (Meta AI, Meta Glasses, Meta Quest) will now be used to give UFC fans an even more immersive experience. Zuckerberg's social empire, including Facebook, Instagram, WhatsApp, and even Threads (the Twitter ripoff), will be all over UFC events, both on-screen and behind the scenes.

Dana says this will “blow fans away.” Zuckerberg chimed in… “I love this sport.” Let’s not forget… Meta literally disclosed in its own financial filings that Zuck’s love for combat sports is a “risk factor.” In other words: If our CEO gets drop-kicked into the metaverse, our stock might follow.

If you’re wondering why the sudden shift… don’t be so naive. Zuck’s not really on some grand ideological journey… he’s just doing what he’s always done: pandering to whoever’s sitting in the big chair.

Right now, that chair has Trump’s name stitched on the back in gold thread, so suddenly Zuck’s all about MMA, American flags, and hanging with Dana White. But if AOC got elected tomorrow and made rollerblading mandatory and eating bugs the national diet? Zuck would be in a Patagonia vest the next day, live-streaming himself skating to Whole Foods with a cricket smoothie in hand.

That’s just who he is. Whether it’s “flatten the curve” or “flatten this dude in the Octagon,” Zuck will shapeshift into whatever version of himself keeps the heat off Meta and the ad dollars flowing.

The UFC partnership is just another costume change in Zuckerberg’s ongoing one-man stage play “Please Like Me.” From woke to yoked, it’s all just a rebrand. And like any midlife crisis worth its salt, it involves flashy accessories, new muscles, and a whole lot of projection.

We’re watching a billionaire do what every divorced dad does after buying a Harley and a gym membership… try to convince everyone (mostly himself) that he’s still got it. And for now, it’s working.

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Stock.News has positions in Meta.