If your 2026 investing strategy was “buy the IPO and pray”… buddy, I’ve got some devastating news…

And just like that, Wall Street finally said the quiet part out loud: the IPO market is officially out of style… about as relevant as skinny jeans at a TikTok dance party… or your dad’s denim cutoff shorts he insists are “making a comeback.”

Today, JPMorgan announced it’s building a brand-new unit inside its investment bank called Private Capital Advisory and Solutions. AKA: “we’ll help you raise billions without ever ringing the bell.”

The thesis doesn’t take a rocket scientist to understand. IPOs used to be red-carpet events. Now they’re awkward brunch invites. Companies would rather stay private, raise money from a small circle of Very Important Wallets, and avoid getting flamed on X by “investors” named GetThatMoney69 who discovered EBITDA yesterday.

(Source: Wall Street Journal)

Most importantly? JPMorgan wants in on all of it.

And honestly… it tracks.

As the kids would say, private markets have absolutely mogged public markets lately. 

Especially when you consider IPO volumes have fallen off a cliff. Private equity firms stopped flipping companies and started hoarding them, shuffling assets into secondary funds instead of selling. Meanwhile, institutional investors have been backing dump trucks full of cash into anything labeled “private,” “exclusive,” or “you’re not invited.”

Keith Canton (the guy running JPMorgan’s new squad) admitted exits have evolved. It’s no longer IPO or bust. There’s now a whole middle lane where companies raise capital, reshuffle ownership, and make everyone richer… without ever becoming public.

Which explains why some of the most valuable companies in America don’t even have tickers.

Case in point: OpenAI’s $40B private stock sale last year… handpicked investors only, fewer than 50 seats, velvet rope firmly up. Sam Altman at the door like, “Sorry, public markets… guest list is full.”

From JPMorgan’s perspective, it’s a cold, logical bet. Maybe private deals don’t pay IPO-sized fees upfront… but when a company finally does sell or list? You want to already be sitting at the table, fork in hand.

Of course, not everyone’s doing cartwheels. Regulators like SEC Chairman Paul Atkins have warned that private markets mean wealth creation stays gated behind access and connections “sorry poors, you’re gonna have to sit this one out.”

And even JPMorgan’s own CEO, Jamie Dimon himself has warned this trend concentrates wealth and shuts regular investors out… blaming regulators, proxy advisors, and short-termism for turning IPOs into a regulatory escape room.

“This trend is serious,” Dimon wrote. Translation: We’re adapting… but don’t pretend this is healthy. Even Paul Atkins has floated reviving public markets (who’s gonna tell him?).

Still, JPMorgan isn’t waiting for the system to fix itself. If companies don’t want to go public anymore, Wall Street won’t force them. It’ll just follow them into the shadows… and send an invoice.

At the time of publishing this article, Stocks.News doesn’t hold positions in companies mentioned in the article.