Taxpayers: “Are ya winning, Mr. President?”

Donnie Daytrader: “Nicki Minaj has got that thang on her. SELL ALASKA. SELL THE WHITE HOUSE. I'VE LOST EVERYTHING.”

And just like that, the phrase “Intel treatment” has officially taken on a whole new meaning in the Webster's dictionary Twittersphere. 

It appears Donald Trump's brief career as America's first taxpayer-funded Warren Buffett impersonator has encountered a minor technical difficulty.

And by “minor,” I mean Intel just recreated one of the ugliest trading sessions in its 58-year history.

“I have concepts of a stop-loss.”

Why the sad face?

Intel shares took a 30% swan dive straight into the financial abyss Friday, threatening to deliver the company's worst one-day ass-kicking in more than HALF A CENTURY.

By the time investors finished processing the company's latest earnings report, more than $125 BILLION in market value had temporarily vanished.

For context, Intel's previous worst trading day came on July 5, 1974, when its shares dropped nearly 30%.

That was during the Nixon administration.

“We're not so different, you and I.” -Nixon to Trump 

Surely Intel's earnings were an absolute dumpster fire, right? 

Wrong.

The company actually BEAT expectations, posting adjusted earnings of $0.52 per share while its data center business grew nearly 80% year over year to $7.3 billion.

Unfortunately for shareholders bagholders, Intel then opened its mouth about the fourth quarter.

And that's when the earnings call turned into a shareholder evacuation drill.

The company expects revenue of just $15 billion to $16 billion during the final three months of 2026, compared with the roughly $17 billion analysts had penciled in.

Adjusted earnings are expected to land at $0.25 per share.

Wall Street wanted $0.43.

Bernstein analyst Stacy Rasgon summed up the outlook in three words: “(in a word) terrible.”

He also slashed his price target from $110 to $75.

The other two words were presumably unfit for publication.

Now, you might be wondering how a company experiencing an 80% explosion in data center revenue manages to simultaneously disappoint investors this badly.

Great question.

Turns out, the AI boom is currently eating the PC industry alive.

Companies are buying so many memory chips for AI data centers that supplies for ordinary laptops and desktops are getting squeezed.

And as memory prices climb, consumers are becoming increasingly reluctant to shell out for new computers.

Intel now expects global PC shipments to decline approximately 12% this year.

And another 10% in 2027.

As if that weren't enough, an accident at Intel's Israeli factory is expected to cost another $300 million in fourth-quarter revenue.

But perhaps the biggest loser Friday was the United States government.

Remember when Trump bought a 9.9% stake in Intel last August for $8.9 billion?

At one point, that investment had ballooned to nearly $40 BILLION, prompting Trump to share an AI-generated image of himself trading stocks in the Oval Office.

Then Friday happened.

And $10 BILLION of Uncle Sam's our paper profits vanished in a single trading session.

To be fair, Washington's investment is still worth around THREE TIMES what it paid.

But with Intel surrendering half its value since June, Dell and HP sliding alongside it, and the PC slump expected to continue into 2027…

Trump may be watching his government funded Robinhood account hit breakeven soon.

At the time of publishing this article, Stocks.News holds positions in Intel, Robinhood, and Dell as mentioned in the article.