Between the Lions spanking Baker Mayfield on MNF and GM flattening analyst forecasts, it’s officially Detroit’s world and we’re all just financing it at 9.9% APR…

General Motors (+10%) just pulled off a rare feat in Motown… lifting guidance and dodging trade-war shrapnel in the same quarter. The automaker raised its annual adjusted profit outlook to as much as $13 billion, up from its prior $10 billion-$12.5 billion range, after realizing the tariff hit wasn’t quite the apocalypse it budgeted for… now “only” $3.5 billion-$4.5 billion instead of $5 billion.

Essentially, GM just told Wall Street, “Yeah, tariffs suck, but we’ve gone bankrupt, and survived Obama’s board appointments… we’ll be fine.”

(Source: Yahoo Finance)

You know that time you came home and showed your mom you got a 79 on a Geometry test and she shockingly wasn’t mad because at least she doesn’t have to go in and speak to the teacher about why her son’s a dumba** (for the 5th time this year)? Yeah, this quarter’s kind of like that. 

Revenue for the quarter came in at $48.6 billion, flat year-over-year but still better than the $45 billion analysts were expecting. Earnings per share clocked in at $2.80, easily beating the $2.31 consensus. That’s despite taking a $1.6 billion charge to tone down its EV ambitions… or as CEO Mary Barra calls it, “addressing overcapacity.” (Translation: Trying to keep up with Tesla and Ford might be the worst life choice I’ve made outside of approving the Chevy Spark.)

Even with profits sliding 57% to $1.3 billion, investors gave GM a standing ovation like they just won America’s Got Talent (Season 97). Because again, with tariffs putting a beating on so many businesses “less bad than expected” is basically a profit resurrection.

That said, GM’s smaller tariff bruise came courtesy of some good old-fashioned political cardio. President Trump just handed automakers a 3.75% MSRP credit on U.S.-made vehicles through 2030… pretty much a government-issued coupon for surviving the trade war. Mary Barra wasted no time firing off a thank-you note to the White House (knowing damn well if she didn’t, Donnie would’ve reversed it within a day).

Oh and remember when Barra promised in 2021 that GM would sell only EVs by 2035? Yeah… that dream’s in the glove compartment now. GM’s still losing billions on its electric pivot and quietly stopped referencing that goal. For now, the gas-guzzling Silverado and Yukon are paying the bills, while the EV division is being sent to fat camp.

Barra says GM’s “acting swiftly” to cut EV losses by 2026… which sounds suspiciously like “we’ll figure it out later.” But hey, if you can print $13 billion while tariffs are exploding and your EVs are rusting in a huge parking lot somewhere in Toledo, you’re doing something right.

At the time of publishing this article, Stocks.News holds positions in Tesla and Ford as mentioned in the article.