Jensen Huang: Despite the Trumpster cockblocking us from the gold mine that is Chinese revenue… we still nearly doubled our profits. Are you not entertained?

Wall Street: Best I can do is a $250 billion selloff and unreasonable expectations.

Well… I’m beginning to suspect that a Nvidia earnings day (no matter how violently impressive the numbers are) now automatically triggers a sell button somewhere deep inside Wall Street’s reptile brain.

And luckily for all of us suckers, since Jensen practically owns the S&P 500 through what skeptics like to call “creative financing…” that means I had a better chance of stepping into the Octagon and knocking out Jon Jones than the market seeing green today.

US stocks tried to claw their way back from early losses, but still ended the day in the basement after the “Heisenberg of GPUs” dropped another round of holy sh*t revenue and profit beats (the kind of numbers that would’ve sparked a Mardi Gras like celebration not long ago) and somehow still managed to disappoint.

Why? It has a lot to do with Trump’s favorite two-syllable chant: TAR-IFF. CHI-NA. Jensen had literally $0 in sales to show from China this quarter… because Donnie has zero interest in letting him ship top-tier chips over to Xi Jinping. 

Add in forward revenue projections for the next decade suddenly feeling less bulletproof, shareholders starting to sweat the long-term math… and boom… the “overvalued” talk is back like it never left.

This pulled the Nasdaq (-1.3%) and the S&P 500 down (-0.6%)... while the Dow barely saw a smidge of green by it’s chinny chin chin (+.08%).

Outside of tech getting shoved into a locker, Stellantis delivered the true “WTF” headline of the day. Jeep-maker dropped a $26 billion full-year loss thanks to (you’ll never guess) EV charges.

Just how bad was it? Well, anytime a company shuts down their European factories and suspends their dividend indefinitely, I think it’s safe to assume the kitchen is on fire. Somehow, the very Michael Scott-looking recovery plan they unveiled to “restore confidence” was enough to pop the stock 4%.

Live footage of Stellantis’ CEO during earnings call:

Shifting gears… macro gave us a classic nothingburger: jobless claims up a bit, continuing claims down a bit (cue the eyerolls). Now everyone’s waiting on wholesale inflation to decide whether Jerome gets the scissors out one more time.

If you’re brave enough to shop for a home that somehow costs 3x what it did five years ago, good news… mortgage rates just slipped under 6% for the first time since 2022. Housing market group chat currently like: “Wait… are we… back?”

Lower Treasury yields have pulled rates into the 5% range, sparking hope that the frozen housing market might finally thaw. Affordability still isn’t great, but at least the ice is cracking.

If you read all of this, congrats for having a 10 second attention span (better than me). As always, here’s our heatmap for today.

Market Gossip

>Americans are leaving the US in record numbers (MSN): “The American Dream” appears to have updated its forwarding address.

>EBay laying off about 800 roles, or 6% of its workforce (CNBC): You’ll never guess who just got promoted.

>Bitcoin Miner Tied to Trump Family Pummeled by Crypto Crash (Yahoo Finance): Stealing Michael Saylor’s identity hasn’t gone too hot for the Trump bros.

>Tesla Cybercab program manager exits ahead of launch (Electrek): Grok, does this mean I should buy puts?

At the time of publishing this article, Stocks.News doesn’t hold positions in companies mentioned in the article.