Well, as Ray Dalio, Robert Kiyosaki, and Michael Burry have proven… even a broken clock is right once a day. 

And for anyone brave enough to sell their Dogecoin (or even Amazon shares) to buy silver or gold because the doomsdayers proclaimed it would be the greatest financial decision of your entire life… you have my permission to ragebait everyone else on fintwit until New Year’s Eve.

WTF am I even talking about?

Well, today gold and silver (or as Robert Kiyosaki likes to call them, “God’s Money”) hit new all-time highs. And with just a few days left in the year, they’re all but guaranteed to lock in their best performance since 1979 (aka the year every teenager was blasting the newly released YMCA through their Sony Walkman).

That’s right. Gold topped 70% today, and silver has been out here absolutely stunting on all these hoes (up 129% YTD). Say it with me now: it was about damn time.

Of course, the recent bump isn’t exactly for a great reason. Donnie’s escalation with Venezuela has gone from oil tanker blockades to straight-up rumors of war (insert “relax, everything’s fine” meme).

Meanwhile, over in Indexland, Mariah Carey’s all-time greatest hit, “All I Want for Christmas (Is More Green Charts)” was rattling the car speakers as the S&P (+0.6%), Nasdaq (+0.6%), and Dow (+0.5%) all did their jobs during the final full trading week of 2025.

The gains marked a third straight green day, powered by the usual suspect: AI stocks continuing their slow crawl back from the moment Michael Burry’s Substack briefly convinced the internet that Nvidia was running a Ponzi scheme so aggressive it would’ve made Bernie Madoff request notes.

Naturally, Nvidia was the main character again.

Shares climbed more than 1% after Reuters reported the company is preparing to resume shipments of its H200 chips to China by mid-February… a reminder that, despite the doom threads, the demand machine is still very much alive.

POV: You’re Jensen Huang saving the market once again…

Meanwhile, conspiracy theorists are currently connecting red yarn after Donnie Politics revived his beef with clean energy… freezing offshore wind projects that were already very real, very expensive, and very bolted to the ocean floor. 

Dominion Energy got absolutely cooked, with shares sliding nearly 5% after five East Coast projects were halted, including Coastal Virginia Offshore Wind… the largest offshore “wait you can’t do that” project in U.S. history.

If you read all of this, congrats for having a 10 second attention span (better than me). As always, here’s our heatmap for today.

Market Gossip

>Oracle's Larry Ellison agrees to backstop $40.4 billion in financing for Paramount acquisition of Warner Bros (Yahoo Finance): It’s giving Jingle All The Way, but the toy costs $40.4B and it’s for his nepobaby son who’s never been told the word “no.”

>Epstein Files: Schumer to force Senate vote on suing DOJ over partial release (CNBC): At this point, I’m making an official nomination that we label them the “Everything’s Redacted Files.”

>Gold, silver hit record highs as precious metals pace toward best year since 1979 (Yahoo Finance): Grandpa’s gonna be unbearable during Christmas dinner.

>Powerball’s $1.6 billion jackpot is its fourth largest ever—here’s the after-tax payout in every U.S. state (CNBC): Uncle Sam saw this headline and licked his lips.

At the time of publishing this article, Stocks.News holds positions in Amazon as mentioned in the article.