All in favor of immediately issuing an order for Darren Woods to make “I drink your milkshake” Exxons new motto? 

ExxonMobil doesn’t really have quarters anymore…  It has geological epochs with earnings calls. This one just happened to “beat” expectations, which means it made less money than last year but more than Wall Street’s dartboard predicted.

(Source: Giphy) 

In short, ExxonMobil minted $1.88 per share versus $1.82 expected, while revenue was down 5% to $85.3 billion. The kind of numbers that would embarrass most companies but somehow make Exxon look immortal. Because for Exxon, “down” is still up. With that said, production in Guyana and the Permian Basin hit record levels. Guyana… a once-forgetten stretch of coastline… now pumps 700,000 barrels a day, quietly underwriting Exxon’s divine right to profit. The Permian, its domestic fortress, added 1.7 million barrels a day. Altogether, 4.8 million barrels daily… a scale so absurd it gives “F*k you money” a whole new meaning in Big Oil. 

(Source: CNBC) 

Elsewhere, oil prices are down 16% this year… and yet, Exxon’s earnings barely moved. CEO Darren Woods went on CNBC to remind everyone that Exxon’s profitability has doubled since 2019. Bigly. Additionally, margins in refining and chemicals slid, but Exxon’s answer was to give shareholders $9.4 billion in the quarter and raise the dividend to $1.03… a.k.a.,  not as a gesture of generosity, but dominance. In fact, every project, Woods says, must deliver double-digit returns even if oil falls to $35 a barrel. Crude trades near $60. In other words, Exxon could fund its dividend with the spare change from a refinery explosion and still call it efficient capital allocation.

Naturally, investors somewhat horned up over the news as shares are trading +0.35% on the day. Add to the fact that Exxon has outlived every crisis that was supposed to end it: peak oil, ESG, shale debt, activist funds, the moral arc of history… and you realize that ExxonMobil in your portfolio isn’t a right… It's a friggin’ privilege. 

(Source: Giphy) 

Meaning, as Exxon keeps drilling, keeps paying, and keeps existing… keep your eyes on this stock going forward. Because… sooner or later, the market will have to admit what it’s really looking at… not an oil company, but a sovereign state disguised as a ticker symbol. A machine that literally turns God's green earth into a money printer. Until next time, friends… 

At the time of publishing, Stocks.News holds positions in ExxonMobil as mentioned in the article.