As the legendary Michael Scott (world’s best office manager, obviously) once said, “Oh, how the turntables…” And wow, have they flipped on Alphabet in the conference room. The tech giant that’s spent years gatekeeping the internet (and deciding what we should and shouldn’t see) is now sitting awkwardly in the hot seat, courtesy of the Department of Justice (DOJ).

The DOJ isn’t politely knocking on Google’s door with cupcakes—they’re demanding the internet giant to sell off its Chrome browser. So what’s the goal? To break what the DOJ politely describes as a “stranglehold” on the search market. (Google’s been running the internet like a communist dictatorship, tightly controlling the flow of information, and the DOJ is ready to stage a coup.) 

And let’s just say investors bailed faster than you close a suspicious pop-up (you know the ones that say you just won a free iphone if you submit your email address?). All in all, Alphabet’s stock has tanked 6% already today. Turns out, karma doesn’t need a search engine to find you.

The DOJ is laser-focused on Chrome’s dominance, which controls about two-thirds of the global browser market. That kind of power doesn’t just happen—it’s engineered. For years, Chrome has been the ultimate gatekeeper, helping Google maintain its search monopoly while competitors like Bing and DuckDuckGo (yes, that’s still a thing) get relegated to the digital sidelines. (Bing users: all three of you are rooting for this lawsuit, aren’t you?)

This isn’t Google’s first run-in with the DOJ, though. Back in August, Judge Amit Mehta ruled that Google violated antitrust laws, specifically Section 2 of the Sherman Act. The ruling highlighted Google’s billion-dollar deals with Apple to stay the default search engine on iPhones. (Because nothing says “healthy competition” like paying your way to the top.)

And it doesn’t stop there. The DOJ also wants Google to quit cutting shady deals with companies like Samsung. You know, the kind that ensures Google Search stays king of the hill. (Samsung’s like, “Wait, you’re not supposed to tell people that!”)

Analysts warn this antitrust saga could drag on until at least 2025 (because apparently justice moves slower than Chrome on dial-up). Craig Moffett summed it up: “This isn’t saber-rattling. This is real.” Google, of course, plans to appeal, but the DOJ is throwing everything law they can find against them: they want restrictions not just on Chrome but also on Android and the Play Store.

For Google, this is an existential crisis. Chrome has been their prizefighter, their ace in the hole, their… you get it. Losing it could mean competing like everyone else. (How quaint.)

And if you’re an Alphabet shareholder? You might want to get real patient. If this antitrust battle drags on, it could be years before Google regains its footing (if they can ever beat the US Government in court).

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Stock.News has positions in Alphabet, Apple, and Microsoft.