DirecTV and Dish were about to pull off the ultimate frenemy merger to save the dying cable industry (think Dwight sliding up to Jim and whispering, “Would you like to form an alliance with me?”). 

They had big plans to unite and become the largest U.S. pay-TV provider, with about 18 million subscribers (because that’s totally going to fend off the streaming giants). But now? That dream’s as lifeless as a Zoom meeting on a Friday afternoon (and probably as awkward as Dwight’s pitch).

Let’s hit the rewind button. Back in September, DirecTV and EchoStar (Dish Network’s parent company) announced their “marriage of convenience.” DirecTV would buy Dish and its streaming baby, Sling TV, for the princely sum of… $1. Yes, a single George Washington. “There must be a catch.” Oh trust me, there is. DirecTV had to swallow $9.75 billion of Dish’s debt. This wasn’t a merger, it was DirecTV adopting the financial equivalent of a raccoon rummaging through trash cans.

And trust me, there’s more. The deal hinged on Dish bondholders taking a massive $1.57 billion haircut on their $8.9 billion worth of bonds. The bondholders, naturally, said, “Hard pass.” Even after DirecTV sweetened the deal in October (reducing the haircut to $1.5 billion) they still weren’t biting. By November 12, Dish’s creditors slammed the door on any hope of salvaging the agreement.

So DirecTV’s CEO Bill Morrow did the C-Suite equivalent of a breakup text: He formally called it quits. In a statement dripping with spin, he said the terms of the exchange were necessary “to protect DirecTV’s balance sheet and operational flexibility.” Read: “We’re not about to go broke over this hot mess.”

This leaves Dish and EchoStar in the poorhouse trying to juggle $20 billion in debt, an anemic customer base, and the impending shadow of bankruptcy. EchoStar’s stock fell 13% last week when news broke that the deal was on life support, and it’s still flailing at $23 per share (its lowest since September).

This merger could have been the savior both companies needed in the face of cord-cutting chaos. Regulators might’ve even greenlit the deal this time, given that DirecTV and Dish are shadows of their former selves. But instead, DirecTV’s playing the long game, claiming it’s better positioned to innovate and offer customers more “choice, flexibility, and control” (their words, not ours).

Let’s call a spade a spade: The pay-TV industry isn’t just dying—it’s practically decomposing. Streaming platforms have eaten their lunch, their snacks, and their future lunch money. This failed merger is just the latest sign that satellite TV is heading the way of Toys “R” Us. DirecTV will cling to its balance sheet like Rose clung to that door in Titanic. Dish, on the other hand, needs a miracle. 

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