I know you’re here for stock tips, but trust me, this crypto story is so nuts, you’ll want to stick around, because this scene is straight out of a Liam Neeson movie (if Neeson was saving crypto bros instead of his on-screen kids). 

So apparently, Dean Skurka (CEO of Canada’s largest crypto company, WonderFi) was literally kidnapped in Toronto during rush hour on Wednesday. 

(The Crypto Times)

So here’s the setup: Skurka, minding his own business, is suddenly yanked into a vehicle and told to fork over a million Canadian dollars (about $720K USD for the conversion purists). The ransom was paid electronically (of course it was; we’re in the crypto world here), and then, like an old-school mob drop-off, they casually released him in a park outside the city. Centennial Park, to be exact.

Now, I know what you’re thinking: “Crypto CEOs and shady situations go together like SPF 50 and the Bahamas.” And you’d be right. But unlike FTX’s Sam Bankman-Fried and his smokin hot accountant robbing Peter to pay Paul (I’m talking about Caroline Ellison), this one’s got a little throwback feel to it. No fake tokens. No backdoor accounting. Just a straight-up physical ransom. 

And as if things couldn’t get weirder, Skurka’s abduction happened on the same day WonderFi reported a 153% revenue jump in Q3. Coincidence? (Yeah, I’ll believe that when Carolline Ellison gets a Nobel Prize in economics.) And just to make sure everyone stayed calm, Skurka sent out an official email reassuring us that WonderFi’s client funds and data were “unaffected.” Well, thank goodness—because nothing makes me want to invest more than knowing the CEO can be kidnapped off the street but my funds are totally fine.

So, why all the crypto kidnappings lately? According to Jameson Lopp, a security expert for crypto holders (if such a thing even exists), this is the 171st time someone’s tried to squeeze Bitcoin out of a crypto bro using physical means (pretty specific huh?). 

(Source: The Block)

And in case you thought it was a one-off, think again. A few months back, some ex-police in Thailand started a kidnapping ring targeting crypto holders, and Toronto’s own self-proclaimed “Crypto King” Aiden Pleterski was famously kidnapped last year for allegedly swindling investors out of $41.5 million. Fun fact: Pleterski reportedly used his “investment funds” for private jets, exotic cars, and maybe a couple of pet tigers.

(Source: BBC)

And let’s not forget crypto’s past star performers: Mt. Gox (remember that disaster?), or the countless other blockchain “visionaries” who seem to think “transparency” means “making it invisible.” Even Anthony Di Iorio, one of Ethereum’s co-founders, hired a personal security team just to feel safe in this wild west of digital money.

Back to our story: The WonderFi team issued the usual corporate response, saying “the safety and security of all WonderFi employees are paramount.” Let me translate that for you: “Please don’t pull your funds, we’re still a reputable company (pinky promise).” You can practically hear Kevin O’Leary sighing in his boardroom chair, muttering something like, “If this keeps up, we might have to take WonderFi behind the barn and shoot it.” How has he not learned his lesson (FTX was only two years ago).

Oh, and at the same time Skurka was being thrown into a van, Bitcoin decided it was the perfect time to hit an all-time high at $76,000.

PS: Our last official trade alert squeezed 116% minutes after sending it to our Stocks.News members. And our next trade is dropping first thing Monday morning. 

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Stock.News does not have positions in companies mentioned.