This may be the only time “cooked” actually means bad news for stoners… 

(Source: Giphy) 

Congress just slipped a little surprise into the new government funding bill: a nationwide hemp ban, hidden like a blunt in a Bible.

In short, the new rule caps THC content at 0.4 milligrams per container, effectively nuking 95% of the $28 billion hemp retail market. Gummies, vapes, seltzers, tinctures… gone. Say goodbye to the “legal high” economy that’s been quietly paying the rent for 300,000 Americans and fueling every “wellness boutique” from Austin to Aspen. Translation: I definitely didn’t have this on my 2025 bingo card. 

(Source: CNBC) 

Sooo Y Tho? 

Back in 2018, then–Senator Mitch McConnell made hemp legal again, pitching it as a “new cash crop for American farmers.” And it worked… sort of. The definition of “hemp” was so broad that producers found a beautiful loophole: extracting psychoactive THC variants from legal hemp plants. Voilà… weed, but make it legal-ish. Fast-forward to today, and lawmakers have decided to “fix” that mistake. The new rule, slipped into the bill that just ended the longest government shutdown in U.S. history, sets a 0.4 mg THC cap per container. For context: a standard hemp gummy has between 2.5 to 10 mg of THC. This new law basically says your edible has to be as potent as a Tic Tac.

(Source: Giphy) 

Meaning, the fallout will be absolutely biblical. Industry experts estimate the move could destroy 95% of hemp-based retail products and wipe out billions in investments. More than 300,000 jobs… from farmers and extractors to manufacturers and logistics firms… are now hanging by a thread. Meanwhile, the hemp economy’s biggest states (read: Kentucky, Texas, and Utah of all places… because Mormons like to get their freak on too)... are bracing for carnage.  Farmers who converted their land to hemp production after 2018 are about to learn what a “rug pull” means the hard way. In fact, Cronos Group CEO Michael Gorenstein put it bluntly: “It’s going to create a lot of pressure when they start losing business, losing jobs, and losing crops.” 

What’s interesting here though, is that this necessarily isn’t as much about public safety as it is about Mitch McConnell. The man who made one of the greatest memes of our generation is now in his retirement lap, so he wanted to “correct” the law he authored by restoring the “original intent” of the 2018 Farm Bill. In other words, his legacy crop became a national punchline, and he wanted one last fix before exiting stage right. “This was his signature law,” said Curaleaf CEO Boris Jordan. “Usually the Senate backs a retiring senator’s final request.” And boy, did they ever. 

(Source: Imgflip) 

However, not everyone’s clapping. Rand Paul, Kentucky’s other libertarian mouthpiece, called the new rule “thoughtless” and “ignorant,” warning it could wipe out every hemp seed in the country. The industry agrees: this won’t kill demand, just push it underground. “What this ban is going to do,” Jordan said, “is force all those little players right now into the illegal market.” Spoiler: congratulations, Congress… you just turned soccer moms and gas-station gummy brands into cartel competitors. Meanwhile, states stand to lose millions in tax revenue, much of which funded addiction programs and local budgets. But alas, in the end, the hemp economy was built on a loophole. Congress just closed it. So yeah… better start swooning your dealer again. 

At the time of publishing, Stocks.News does not hold positions in companies mentioned in the article.