“Life’s a game so be a playa…” -Jensen Huang, probably

After getting blocked from selling anymore of his watered down GPUs in China… Jensen didn’t waste any time crying over the breakup. Instead he phoned another man that ironically Trump accused of being in bed with the Chinese government just a few weeks ago: Lip-Bu Tan. And based on my sources (trust me bro), he all but said… “hey I need some new revenue streams… I’ve got $5 billion, let’s eat.” And apparently, that’s all Wall Street needed to hear, because Intel shares immediately ripped 30%. Why? Because investor logic is basically: Jensen Huang said something = bet the f**ing farm.

And just like that, Nvidia’s taking a 4%+ stake at $23.28 a share to co-develop PC and data center chips with Intel. You know, the same Intel that (other than its recent marriage to the US government) has been disappointing it’s shareholders for more than a decade, losing ground to AMD, TSMC, and basically anyone with a functioning foundry.

So why’s Jensen Huang cosplaying as Mother Teresa for Silicon Valley’s sickest patient? In his words, this is a “historic collaboration” that fuses Nvidia’s AI stack with Intel’s x86 ecosystem. Translation: Nvidia wants brownie points with D.C., Intel wants to not die, and both sides are hoping AMD gets caught holding the bag (enough said).

Don’t get it twisted… this isn’t about Nvidia using Intel’s foundry… yet. If that ever happens, TSMC’s got a real problem. The U.S. government already owns 10% of Intel after Trump strong-armed his way into the cap table last month, so Nvidia’s move feels like it’s buying insurance with Uncle Sam. Smart money says Jensen’s just trying to stay off the White House naughty list while still shipping GPUs to China. And then there’s Lip-Bu Tan, Intel’s new CEO, who’s been under fire for ties to Beijing… but nothing distracts politicians like a soaring stock price (especially one the President just invested in).

(Source: CNBC)

This just goes to show how fast the tide can turn. Intel was chilling in the teens not long ago, priced like a clearance bin DVD at Walmart. Nvidia comes in, pays more than the U.S. government ($23.28 vs. Uncle Sam’s $20.47), and the stock instantly moons 30%. It feels like no matter what comes his way, Jensen always wins.

Meanwhile, Nvidia’s up 3% because, well, Nvidia. AMD dipped nearly 4%, TSMC slid 2%. And then out of nowhere SoftBank slid in with a $2 billion stake in Intel… kinda like my old college roommate who never owned a car but always wanted a ride.

If you just happen to be holding Intel, I’m happy for you… it was about time you got a big win. If you’re holding AMD, try not to cry too hard in the shower. And if you’re Jensen Huang, you just bought more political goodwill and a shot at making Intel relevant again… which honestly might be your greatest engineering feat yet.

At the time of publishing this article, Stocks.News holds positions in Intel as mentioned in the article.