And I thought $230 dollars for a sock was bad… 

A California jury just cooked Apple with a new order to cough up $634 million to Masimo… a company best known for the kind of hospital gear that beeps when you’re about to die… for stealing its blood-oxygen tech and stuffing it into the Apple Watch. So the Fitbit your nurse uses? Precisely. 

Tim Apple, probably… 

(Source: Giphy) 

In short, Masimo has been at Apple’s throat for six years, claiming Tim Apple’s crew pulled a classic Silicon Valley grift: poach the engineers, “reinvent” their tech, and sell it back to the world wrapped in brushed aluminum. The tech in question, obviously, is the pulse oximetry… a.k.a, the blood-oxygen tracking feature that turned every Apple Watch into a discount medical device during COVID. Apple called the verdict “disappointing” and said it’ll appeal, adding that the patent in question was “old” and “expired in 2022.” Translation: yeah, we stole it, but it’s vintage theft lol.

(Source: Yahoo Finance) 

Which means… if you’re keeping score at home, this is just the latest punch in an ongoing patent brawl that’s been dragging through U.S. courts like a hangover. The same fight got Apple’s Series 9 and Ultra 2 watches temporarily banned from import in 2023 after regulators agreed that, yes, the company basically reverse-engineered hospital tech and called it “wellness.” 

Naturally, Apple tried to dodge the ban by quietly removing the blood-oxygen feature from new watches… that is, before begging Customs to approve an “updated version.” Customs said okay. Masimo called foul. Additionally, the ITC (that’s the trade commission that decides what gets into the country) just announced it’s holding another hearing to figure out whether Apple’s “new” watches should still be blocked. So to recap: Apple ripped the tech, lost a billion, got banned, deleted the feature, re-uploaded it, and is now getting re-sued. Peak efficiency. Now imagine if that kind of efficiency existed in Washington, eh? 

(Source: Giphy) 

But alas, Masimo called the ruling a “significant win for innovation and intellectual property.” Meanwhile, Apple’s been on a losing streak that even its trillion-dollar valuation can’t hide. First it kills the iPod. Then it releases a $230 iPhone sock. Now it’s writing half-billion checks to a medical device company in Irvine, California. Translation: If I were a betting man… Jobs is probably rolling in his grave right about now. Until next time, friends… 

At the time of publishing, Stocks.News holds positions in Apple as mentioned in the article.