Amazon just put up monster Q4 numbers, but Wall Street—being the insufferable, short-term dopamine addict that it is—only cared about the fact that Jeff Bezos’ former kingdom isn’t promising to print even more money next quarter. So, despite obliterating analyst expectations with $187.8 billion in revenue (+10% YoY) and a profit beat so massive it could fund a small country ($20B, EPS $1.86 vs. $1.49 expected), the stock still dropped 4% in after-hours trading because Q1 guidance wasn’t spicy enough.

(Source: Giphy) 

In short, the company projected revenue between $151 billion and $155.5 billion, which, sure, is a couple billion shy of the $158.56 billion that Wall Street was initially all horned up about. The excuse, you ask? Foreign exchange rates are screwing with the numbers—and yet, investors still couldn’t step back and realize that Amazon is still printing money at an ungodly rate. 

What’s more is that Amazon Web Services, the golden goose that keeps the whole empire afloat, posted +19% growth with $28.8B in revenue, which, objectively, is stupidly good—but still not enough for the market. Why? Because Microsoft and Google are pulling 30%+ growth in their cloud businesses, making AWS look like it’s suddenly become the third best loser in the AI race. 

(Source: AP) 

To make things even more thicc and juicy, CEO Andy Jassy basically admitted AWS could be growing faster if not for "capacity constraints." Translation: Amazon is spending $100 billion this year trying to build enough data centers, servers, and AI infrastructure to keep up with demand, but supply chain issues, chip shortages, and literal electricity limitations are getting in the way. Turns out, scaling an AI empire isn’t as easy as slapping an “LLM-powered” sticker on everything and calling it a day. 

(Source: Yahoo Finance) 

But, but, but…. Buried under all the earnings highs and lows was this gem: Amazon just unofficially donkey-kicked Walmart in the face for the first time ever, posting higher quarterly revenue than the former king of retail. Walmart is expected to do around $180 billion in sales this quarter, while Amazon just flashed the street $187.8 billion. That’s right—Amazon just made Walmart it's discount-bin kid brother—but again, nobody even blinked because everyone was too busy crying about Jassey’s Q1 guidance. Aaaand, this is why we can’t have nice things, friends.

In the end, and I’m going to be honest here, this is exactly the kind of idiocy that makes the stock market unbearable. Amazon just put up record-breaking holiday sales, obliterated earnings expectations, and casually dethroned Walmart, but because its Q1 guidance wasn’t sufficiently dripping in unrealistic optimism, the stock gets absolutely yeeted. 

(Source: Giphy) 

Of course, the market will eventually wake up and realize Amazon is still an unstoppable machine, but for now, we all get to watch analysts act like petulant children who didn’t get the toy they wanted. Translation: Enjoy the fiasco ridden show this Friday and place your bets accordingly, friends. As always, stay safe and stay frosty! Until next time…

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Stocks.News holds positions in Amazon, Google, and Microsoft as mentioned in the article.