(If you're just seeing this now, it's because we had some technical difficulties. I guess the CrowdStrike devs are still working overtime. Let's get to our post-market recap.)

The S&P 500 had its best day since June 5, jumping 1.08% to 5,564.41, while the Nasdaq climbed 1.58% to 18,007.57. The Dow Jones added 127.91 points to wrap up at 40,415.44. 

Tech stocks like Nvidia, Meta, and Alphabet bounced back after a rough week, with Nvidia surging 4.8%. Meanwhile, CrowdStrike had a day even its competitors grimaced at, plummeting 13.5%.

In the shadow of big tech's resurgence, the Russell 2000 still managed to climb 1.7%. 

Over in cryptoland, Biden getting kicked to the curb didn’t affect much, Bitcoin decided to take a nap, barely moving at $67,257.88. Coinbase rose 2%, while mining stocks Riot Platforms and Iris Energy each gained over 1%.

Wall Street remains focused on earnings and Fed policies, with a 93% chance of a rate cut in September.

Here’s today’s heatmap.

Mama Cathie Sells $21 MILLION in TSLA to Dip-Buy THIS Beaten-Down Tech Stock

Cathie Wood, or as we affectionately call her, "Mama Cathie," just spooked the pants off of short sellers by dropping nearly $12 million on CrowdStrike stock. This move came right after their software update caused a global tech meltdown, turning IT departments into makeshift therapy centers. 

Now, you’re probably scratching your head, wondering, "Where did she get the cash for this shopping spree?" Well—she sold $8 million worth of Tesla shares. Yep, the same Tesla she’s been touting to hit $2,600 a share by 2029. And guess what? Earlier this month, she also cashed out $13 million worth of Tesla stock, bringing her grand total to $21 million.

Unless you’ve been living like the Amish (or just ignoring financial news), you know Cathie is the ultimate Tesla cheerleader. She’s been raising her price targets like a coach who believes their team can win the championship even though their star player just graduated. Her latest crystal ball reading? Tesla valued at over $8 trillion by 2029. Yes, trillion with a T. Meanwhile, Wall Street analysts are rolling their eyes so hard they’re at risk of spraining something, with average price targets sitting around $183. They’re fretting over competition, higher interest rates, and a cooling market for electric vehicles. 

But Cathie? She’s envisioning a future filled with robotaxis and AI-powered piggy banks. And according to her, even if Tesla doesn’t nail the self-driving gig, Cathie still sees the stock at $350 a share by 2029. But that’s her “unlikely” scenario, like saying it’s unlikely your dog will start doing the dishes (though I’m still holding out hope for that one).

Now, let's pivot back to CrowdStrike. After their software glitch wreaked havoc worldwide—grounding flights, delaying surgeries, and turning banks into chaos centers—Cathie swooped in like a savvy shopper on Black Friday. Her ARK Next Generation Internet ETF picked up 27,061 shares for about $8.25 million, and the ARK Fintech Innovation ETF grabbed 11,534 shares for $3.52 million. Despite the stock’s recent tumble, Cathie, much like Jim Cramer’s evil twin, is confident it’ll rebound, betting big on its recovery.

So, why sell a stock she believes will hit $2,600 a share in a few years? The only logical solution is that her expert analysis says CrowdStrike is going to $3,000 first. Or maybe, she’s just having a blast keeping us all guessing.

Stock.News has positions in Meta, Alphabet, and Tesla.