Heineken's shares woke up this morning looking more defeated than my dad’s jokes at my best friend's wedding toast, dropping a staggering 8%.

Ironically, the company’s operating profit grew by 12.5%. Sounds good, right? Until you realize analysts were hoping for a more generous 13.2%. It's like baking a cake and the recipe calls for a pinch of salt, but you accidentally add a spoonful. 

Welcome to earnings season, where stocks drop like flies if they miss forecasts by a hair. It doesn’t seem like Wall Street is going to play “hard to get” anytime soon.

While Heineken’s beer sales were expected to bubble up by 3.4%, they missed the market and only rose by 2.1%. This stumble contributed to a net loss of $103 million, thanks mostly to a $948 million write-down on its investment in Chinese brewing firm CR Beer. 

In an effort to save face, Heineken blamed the loss on CR Beer’s declining share price rather than any operational missteps. Reminds me of my uncle blaming his beer belly on genetics instead of late-night pints and pizza runs.

But this story gets even better. Apparently, the weather also decided to crash Heineken’s party. CEO Dolf van den Brink pointed fingers at the skies, claiming, “Typically big sports events like the Euro Cup have a positive impact, but the weather has been significantly below long-term averages and below last year, impacting our business.” So, if your summer was a washout, just know Heineken feels your pain—maybe even more.

Despite the gloomy numbers, on the earnings call, CEO Dolf van den Brink tried to keep spirits high, describing the first half’s performance as “solid” with balanced and broad-based volume growth. He also boasted about how premium products saw a 5% increase, which is like saying the VIP section was packed, but the general admission area was a ghost town.

Meanwhile, everyone's favorite billionaire, Bill Gates, might be feeling a bit regretful too. Earlier this year, Gates bought a substantial stake in Heineken Holding NV, dropping nearly $1 billion on 10.8 million shares in February.

Stock.News does not have positions in companies mentioned.